The story of Eleanora- The birth: part 1
May 18th, 2015 part 3- I have to be completely honest, the rest of my birth experience is VERY FOGGY to me. My mom and Jared filled in most of these details because, while they say that I was acting mostly normal, I felt like I was watching the majority of this from the outside looking in...I know that I was exhausted from the lack of sleep, but I also blame the Magnesium Sulfate for making me feel like a druggy. *Stay tuned for awesome pictures that prove that I looked as doped up as I felt.*
Around 3:30am, a wonderful OBGYN from the hospital came in to remove my Cervidil and check my cervix. She said that I was dilated to a 3.5 and 70% effaced. She started me on a low dose of Pitocin. I remember shortly after that (before anyone woke up), I would have to take kind of deep breaths, but I still wasn't experiencing pain. Mom and Jared woke up around 7:30am, and apparently I started active labor around 8:15am.
Sometime during the night, the nurses switched and I was assigned a new nurse named Amanda. I don't know if this is a "first-time mom" thing, but I was super embarrassed by all of the things she had to do for me (help me pee, help me have a baby, help me afterwards, etc). I could never be a nurse. Humans are disgusting. I tried to apologize after every "assist", but I'm sure I didn't actually do that. I thought several times during the whole process with all the doctors and nurses, "why did I not take the extra 10 minutes to shower and shave before I came in for my ultrasound?!" I know that's silly...I'm just being completely honest.
Jared and I had taken several natural childbirth classes ahead of time. I also had done part of a "Hypnobabies" course at home. It is designed to help you relax and focus on other things while in labor- I practiced by thinking about the view out of a window at one of the B and Bs where we stayed in Ireland. I really think that the classes, Hypnobabies, praying, and all of the research I had done ahead of time helped Jared and I through my labor.
He stood near me through the contractions, saying awesome, encouraging things like, "you're doing so good! This one is almost over! You can do it!". One time he leaned in and sweetly said, "It's not that bad!" I knew that he was trying REALLY hard to encourage me, but after that one I said, "never say that one again." haha! Mom, Amanda, and Jared would get me drinks of water and cool washcloths between contractions. Mom had a paper and pen and was trying to time my contractions and the time between them.
They had been gradually increasing the level of Pitocin I was getting. Then at some point they turned it all the way back down to the lowest level. None of us can remember why this was done, but suspect it had something to do with my blood pressure being too high.
I really really wanted to get out of the hospital bed and try different positions, but the doctors didn't want me to because of the monitors and Magnesium Sulfate side effects. I knew from my classes and research that there are so many easier ways to labor and deliver than laying flat on my back in a hospital bed. Eventually, I got permission to sit/kneel on the floor and lean forward on a footrest. My amazing nurse Amanda was totally on board with all of my crazy ideas and sat on the floor holding a wireless fetal monitor on my stomach for 45 minutes.
I have to reiterate, I was completely out of it at this time. I have no idea if I was on the floor for 45 minutes...I'm just taking my mom and Jared's word for it. I was mostly unaware of everything that was happening and falling asleep between each contraction.
The afternoon before, when I found out that I was going to be induced, I made a request that no male doctors or nurses come into my room. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I really prefer to only let women (in a medical capacity) and my husband to see my lady bits. As far as I knew, that request was put in my notes and seemed to be honored up until now. While Amanda and I were sitting on the floor, one of the male high-risk doctors came in. I already had a bad opinion of him because I had seen him for one of my gestational diabetes appointments and he made some very negative comments to me about women who birth at home or "try to be saints" by having a natural birth.
I was extremely irritated with him for several reasons:
1. I was in the middle of a painful contraction while he loomed above me making me feel like an idiot for being on the floor and telling me what he thought I should be doing instead.
2. My gown was all open for the world to see my behind.
3. I had already said that I didn't want any males in the room.
4. I think he is rude and don't like him.
and worst of all...
5. I knew that what he was saying was right- that I needed to get up off the floor and back into bed because the wireless monitor was not allowing us to consistently follow Eleanora's heart rate. And when her heart rate did show up, it was slower than it should have been. He also said something about how he thought it was time to have my water manually broken because Eleanora was starting to appear to be in distress. Keep in mind that at this point, everyone was still under the impression that I was only 3.5cm dilated and 70% effaced (or thereabouts).
Graphic warning: Even though I was in zombie-mode, I knew that things had progressed quite a bit since my last cervical check. My contractions had gotten significantly more painful and I felt like something was "bulging" out...like a water balloon. I would usually say before each contraction, "here comes one!" and Jared would come hold my hand and encourage me while I moaned in low tones and breathed through until the end (thanks for the tip natural birthing classes!)
After the "mean" doctor left, Amanda helped me back to the hospital bed. As soon as I got in, I had a really strong contraction where I started bearing down/pushing involuntarily. I was so out of it that I fell asleep again after that contraction.
I had another contraction where I couldn't help but push, and my brain cleared long enough for me to think, "I'd better tell Mom, Jared, and Amanda that I can't stop myself from pushing now..." I didn't know 100% if that meant bad things or good things for me and Eleanora, but I figured it meant something needed to happen or be checked.
Graphic warning: After I informed them, the nice OBGYN that had come in the middle of the night to remove my Cervidil came back into the room and we decided that when she checked my cervix she would also break my water and place an internal fetal heart monitor on Eleanora. She had me turn over on my hands and knees in the hospital bed and was very pleasantly surprised to find that I was 100% dilated and effaced (which no one was expecting except for me!) After she broke my water, I turned around and said something loopy like, "A whole bunch of stuff just fell out of me!" Haha. I think she smiled and said, "I know! That's good! I broke your water!"
Jared and Mom later told me that the approximately 30 minutes (yes, only 30 minutes) between when the "mean doctor" left and Eleanora was born was really scary for them. While I was dozing and totally out of it, they were watching the monitors where they saw my BP linger around 160/110 and with every contraction Eleanora's heart rate would (according to them) drop as low as 50BPM and stay there for around 20 seconds.
Although I was oblivious, during the contraction after my water broke, Eleanora's heart rate dropped dangerously low and then the monitor completely lost it. Jared and Mom both witnessed a "look" between Amanda and the OBGYN that gave them the impression that things were not good. The OBGYN then leaned in very close to me and spoke very calmly and seriously to me. She said something along the lines of, "We need to get this baby out of you very quickly. She is in distress. I want you to be aware that we may be doing an emergency c-section very soon or at least have to use forceps or vacuum to get her out." Around this time, the room filled with doctors and nurses. I have no idea how many, but it seemed like 20 people to me.
This all probably should have made me feel anxious or upset or something. I had wanted a natural birth. To labor in water. With the lights dimmed, soft music playing, essential oils infusing the room, and Jared massaging my back. But at this point everything I had ever wanted had gone out the window and I knew that she was coming out one way or another very soon and I really didn't care how that happened. I wasn't sure exactly how long my body was going to take to push her out, but in my mind it seemed impossible that we would have time to have an emergency c-section before she would come out of me on her own.
Graphic warning: It really is all sort of a huge blur. I had no glasses on or contacts in so everything literally was blurry. But then I also had gotten no sleep in so long, had not eaten in so long, and was on medication that was very clearly messing with my body and brain. All I know is that everyone I needed was huddled around me- mom and Amanda pushing my legs back toward me, Jared holding my hand- all of them helping me to bring my baby into the world, telling me exactly what I needed to hear. And I could hear, clear as day, each of their voices saying:
"You're doing great!"
"You're almost there!"
"Okay push push push!"
"There is the top of her head!"
"Breathe!"
"You can do this!"
"Here she comes!"
And before I knew it...she was here.
My mom and Jared were both crying. I felt my throat tighten and I looked down at her oh so tiny little blue body and didn't feel happy. For that split second, all I thought was, "She is much too early and much too small." I could barely see her at all without my glasses/contacts, and with so many people in the room and so much noise, I didn't hear her make any sound. I thought to myself, "either she didn't make it or, she isn't going to make it, or she will survive but have tons of problems for the rest of her life..."
Around 3:30am, a wonderful OBGYN from the hospital came in to remove my Cervidil and check my cervix. She said that I was dilated to a 3.5 and 70% effaced. She started me on a low dose of Pitocin. I remember shortly after that (before anyone woke up), I would have to take kind of deep breaths, but I still wasn't experiencing pain. Mom and Jared woke up around 7:30am, and apparently I started active labor around 8:15am.
Sometime during the night, the nurses switched and I was assigned a new nurse named Amanda. I don't know if this is a "first-time mom" thing, but I was super embarrassed by all of the things she had to do for me (help me pee, help me have a baby, help me afterwards, etc). I could never be a nurse. Humans are disgusting. I tried to apologize after every "assist", but I'm sure I didn't actually do that. I thought several times during the whole process with all the doctors and nurses, "why did I not take the extra 10 minutes to shower and shave before I came in for my ultrasound?!" I know that's silly...I'm just being completely honest.
Jared and I had taken several natural childbirth classes ahead of time. I also had done part of a "Hypnobabies" course at home. It is designed to help you relax and focus on other things while in labor- I practiced by thinking about the view out of a window at one of the B and Bs where we stayed in Ireland. I really think that the classes, Hypnobabies, praying, and all of the research I had done ahead of time helped Jared and I through my labor.
He stood near me through the contractions, saying awesome, encouraging things like, "you're doing so good! This one is almost over! You can do it!". One time he leaned in and sweetly said, "It's not that bad!" I knew that he was trying REALLY hard to encourage me, but after that one I said, "never say that one again." haha! Mom, Amanda, and Jared would get me drinks of water and cool washcloths between contractions. Mom had a paper and pen and was trying to time my contractions and the time between them.
They had been gradually increasing the level of Pitocin I was getting. Then at some point they turned it all the way back down to the lowest level. None of us can remember why this was done, but suspect it had something to do with my blood pressure being too high.
I really really wanted to get out of the hospital bed and try different positions, but the doctors didn't want me to because of the monitors and Magnesium Sulfate side effects. I knew from my classes and research that there are so many easier ways to labor and deliver than laying flat on my back in a hospital bed. Eventually, I got permission to sit/kneel on the floor and lean forward on a footrest. My amazing nurse Amanda was totally on board with all of my crazy ideas and sat on the floor holding a wireless fetal monitor on my stomach for 45 minutes.
I have to reiterate, I was completely out of it at this time. I have no idea if I was on the floor for 45 minutes...I'm just taking my mom and Jared's word for it. I was mostly unaware of everything that was happening and falling asleep between each contraction.
The afternoon before, when I found out that I was going to be induced, I made a request that no male doctors or nurses come into my room. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I really prefer to only let women (in a medical capacity) and my husband to see my lady bits. As far as I knew, that request was put in my notes and seemed to be honored up until now. While Amanda and I were sitting on the floor, one of the male high-risk doctors came in. I already had a bad opinion of him because I had seen him for one of my gestational diabetes appointments and he made some very negative comments to me about women who birth at home or "try to be saints" by having a natural birth.
I was extremely irritated with him for several reasons:
1. I was in the middle of a painful contraction while he loomed above me making me feel like an idiot for being on the floor and telling me what he thought I should be doing instead.
2. My gown was all open for the world to see my behind.
3. I had already said that I didn't want any males in the room.
4. I think he is rude and don't like him.
and worst of all...
5. I knew that what he was saying was right- that I needed to get up off the floor and back into bed because the wireless monitor was not allowing us to consistently follow Eleanora's heart rate. And when her heart rate did show up, it was slower than it should have been. He also said something about how he thought it was time to have my water manually broken because Eleanora was starting to appear to be in distress. Keep in mind that at this point, everyone was still under the impression that I was only 3.5cm dilated and 70% effaced (or thereabouts).
Graphic warning: Even though I was in zombie-mode, I knew that things had progressed quite a bit since my last cervical check. My contractions had gotten significantly more painful and I felt like something was "bulging" out...like a water balloon. I would usually say before each contraction, "here comes one!" and Jared would come hold my hand and encourage me while I moaned in low tones and breathed through until the end (thanks for the tip natural birthing classes!)
After the "mean" doctor left, Amanda helped me back to the hospital bed. As soon as I got in, I had a really strong contraction where I started bearing down/pushing involuntarily. I was so out of it that I fell asleep again after that contraction.
I had another contraction where I couldn't help but push, and my brain cleared long enough for me to think, "I'd better tell Mom, Jared, and Amanda that I can't stop myself from pushing now..." I didn't know 100% if that meant bad things or good things for me and Eleanora, but I figured it meant something needed to happen or be checked.
Graphic warning: After I informed them, the nice OBGYN that had come in the middle of the night to remove my Cervidil came back into the room and we decided that when she checked my cervix she would also break my water and place an internal fetal heart monitor on Eleanora. She had me turn over on my hands and knees in the hospital bed and was very pleasantly surprised to find that I was 100% dilated and effaced (which no one was expecting except for me!) After she broke my water, I turned around and said something loopy like, "A whole bunch of stuff just fell out of me!" Haha. I think she smiled and said, "I know! That's good! I broke your water!"
Jared and Mom later told me that the approximately 30 minutes (yes, only 30 minutes) between when the "mean doctor" left and Eleanora was born was really scary for them. While I was dozing and totally out of it, they were watching the monitors where they saw my BP linger around 160/110 and with every contraction Eleanora's heart rate would (according to them) drop as low as 50BPM and stay there for around 20 seconds.
Although I was oblivious, during the contraction after my water broke, Eleanora's heart rate dropped dangerously low and then the monitor completely lost it. Jared and Mom both witnessed a "look" between Amanda and the OBGYN that gave them the impression that things were not good. The OBGYN then leaned in very close to me and spoke very calmly and seriously to me. She said something along the lines of, "We need to get this baby out of you very quickly. She is in distress. I want you to be aware that we may be doing an emergency c-section very soon or at least have to use forceps or vacuum to get her out." Around this time, the room filled with doctors and nurses. I have no idea how many, but it seemed like 20 people to me.
This all probably should have made me feel anxious or upset or something. I had wanted a natural birth. To labor in water. With the lights dimmed, soft music playing, essential oils infusing the room, and Jared massaging my back. But at this point everything I had ever wanted had gone out the window and I knew that she was coming out one way or another very soon and I really didn't care how that happened. I wasn't sure exactly how long my body was going to take to push her out, but in my mind it seemed impossible that we would have time to have an emergency c-section before she would come out of me on her own.
Graphic warning: It really is all sort of a huge blur. I had no glasses on or contacts in so everything literally was blurry. But then I also had gotten no sleep in so long, had not eaten in so long, and was on medication that was very clearly messing with my body and brain. All I know is that everyone I needed was huddled around me- mom and Amanda pushing my legs back toward me, Jared holding my hand- all of them helping me to bring my baby into the world, telling me exactly what I needed to hear. And I could hear, clear as day, each of their voices saying:
"You're doing great!"
"You're almost there!"
"Okay push push push!"
"There is the top of her head!"
"Breathe!"
"You can do this!"
"Here she comes!"
And before I knew it...she was here.
My mom and Jared were both crying. I felt my throat tighten and I looked down at her oh so tiny little blue body and didn't feel happy. For that split second, all I thought was, "She is much too early and much too small." I could barely see her at all without my glasses/contacts, and with so many people in the room and so much noise, I didn't hear her make any sound. I thought to myself, "either she didn't make it or, she isn't going to make it, or she will survive but have tons of problems for the rest of her life..."
Comments
Post a Comment